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|  i just wanted to update.
bottled up feelings are really dangerous. once opened arguments after arguments will occur. maybe that's why people tend to bottle things up, hoping that the strings of arguments won't follow...but it only gets worse when the bottle overflows and explodes. the string of arguments is inevitable.
over and over again i get these bottled up emotions. not knowing who to tell anymore. cause once i open up to someone, there are betrayals, broken friendships. and cause of that, i bottle up way more than i can handle. am i really going crazy? am i really thinking too much?
it seems like i don't know anything anymore.
like one moment i can be the happiest person alive...
yet the next moment i feel so ugly, like i don't belong in a world like this.
am i really over thinking? over analyzing?
cause deep down i know everyone has flaws, but is mine so overbearing that it covers everything else up? or is she the most perfect person that i'm always being compared to her?
what do i even strive to be anymore? who am i? why should i even deal with someone that always puts me down? people just say i need more confidence...but do i really?
i think i'm a typical average person, but why does he make me feel like i should cover up and live in a cave so i can stop showing my ugly face to the world? why is this world so shallow....
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|  i haven't had the time to actually sit down and type up a xanga entry to blog about my days since the last entry :[ but i'll highlight the good ones (=
09.16.09 - my 19th birthday (= once i woke up i went to get my haircut (= i cut my hair like bubbi's (bubzbeauty) (= and then went to serramonte with erik, ally and yani. ate lunch and then erik bought me a new robo hamster for my birthday (= we named her bubbi since i'm currently crazy about her. then we went to spirit to look around. then erik and i went back to my house and made bubbi's home. then erik left and babe came to pick me up for my birthday dinner (= went to my all time favorite the cheesecake factory and ate dinner (= then we went to coit tower to enjoy the night scenery and then went back to my house. he then gave me my ginormous handmade birthday card (= and my birthday presents. i love that boy too much <3
09.23.09 - took the bus to work for the meeting. watched people get their lifetime member shot glasses, and by-hour glassware...all related to drinking. WHICH is hella ironic cause i work for the school-run bus system. me and my office coworkers then went back to the office to have our mandatory meeting where we then get more glassware. since i'm the noob i only got one glass cup (= but last week i just reached my 100th hour (=
10.09.09 - i came back from davis and then went to watch cloudy with a chance of meatball in 3D with my mother and brother (= we ate in-n-out and then went to watch it. it was hella fun. i loved the movie and i loved the fact that my mom enjoyed watching it too (=
10.10.09 - went out with winnie to go shopping at serramonte (= we're crazy shoppers but she got ripped off from the leg warmers she got at wetseal for 6 something :[ while i bought two leg warmers for $1.94 each at charlotte russe (= we got hella stuff. afterwards went to ranch 99 to pick up her mom from work and then she dropped me off at home. then later on that night we went to get dessert at 100% sweet cafe on clement (= ginger stuff is very ginger there. LOL
10.17.09 - went back to san francisco in the afternoon even though it was a saturday. ate at abc for lunch and then went home. later on at night time me and babe went to watch couples retreat and law abiding citizen with olivia and andrew. both really good movies (= then we all went home.
10.24.09 - i went to the doctors in the morning cause i have been suffering a nasty ass cold all week. then i dropped off my prescription and went home to nap. napped too long that i didn't get to pick up my medication LOL
10.25.09 - babe came and drove me to pick up my prescription and to get apples. then we went to get sandwiches LOL after that we were about to get japanese food on irving but we couldn't find parking so we went to stonestown instead. i just came back from grabbing lunch with babe at stonestown (= we walked around afterwards and now he's going to play football and i'm gonna take my medication and sleep. and i just remmebered i Enter text here.left the apples in his car .____. then later on tonight i'll be heading back to davis :[
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|  09.05.09 congratulations to my godsister&husband <3
babe came around 12:30 in the afternoon and picked me up to go to serramonte (= we ate at elephant bar and then decided to walk around serramonte. he left me at the pet store for a really long time. ughh boys. then we walked around target and then he brought me home by 3:30pm. right when i walked into the house i was getting rushed by my dad to go to my godsister's wedding banquet. helped set up the tables, centerpieces and things. then the dinner started. she's so pretty. total of 4 different dresses for a mere 3 hours, and none of those dresses included the cultural chinese one. she's a trooper (= the night ended for me, even though i was supposed to go over to gordon's house, but my parents didn't want me to go and i was so tired.
09.06.09
got ready to go to gordon's house for his frontyard bbq. the guys were cooking while me and winnie was talking upstairs. they're really thoughtful guys. catering to all our needs LOL. after that alex's friends came. around 12 babe, winnie and i wanted to leave. then winnie drove off and babe drove me and roy home. life happens.
09.07.09
rise and shine at 11am. i'm probably the laziest in the family. my dad already came home from his coffee run and my mom, sister and brother came back from their Lucky run. X_x they even ate breakfast while i was getting ready. then we packed the benz and drove off (= drove south towards san mateo to go onto san mateo bridge to go north because of the bay brdige's closing. got to richmond around 1pm. went to Pacific East Shopping Mall (= looked around while waited for a table to yum cha. after yum cha we went to vcacaville to shop (= i'm all gymed up! i got a new smaller puma duffle bag and running shoes from nike (= then we were running out of time so we headed towards davis. moved my bed and table from upstairs to downstairs and tried to move the furniture into place. after all the moving we went to hunan chinese restaurant at davis to eat dinner. not that great... after that we left my sister at davis while my parents, brother and i went back to sf. these are the reasons why i love national holidays on mondays. our whole family can go out together, even if it's doing labor together .___.
09.08.09
its another tuesday so that means it is a stay at home day with mom (= didn't do anything productive except do laundry with her. it was cause we were so tired from moving and cleaning at davis yesterday we both went to take naps. when my brother came home she went to sunset super to get groceries. i didn't even wake up until it was dinner time. LOL ouch for laziness cause now i am all sore. didn't sleep all night after that.
09.09.09
babe came over around 1:30pm. talked it out until 2ish. then took a nap until 4pm LOL. then we went to abc to grab a snack and then came back to my place to nap even longer. then we watched the ending of You're Hired together and he left around 9:15pm. i finally decided to clean my landslide room. didn't sleep until 4am, yet my room is still not much better looking than before .___. at least i got rid of most the sand that babe left on my floor earlier.
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|  08.30.09
woke up around 12 something when kyle called me to go over to his house. didn't actually get to his house until 2 something. kyle, winnie and i wanted to make 50-calorie-muffins (= winnie showed up but forgot yogurt at her house and we needed either blueberry or chocolate chips, so we went to safeway. got frozen blueberries and her waffles LOL then went to her house to get the yogurt. went back to kyle's house to figure out he has no eggs. so me and winnie went back to her house to get 4 eggs LOL. it was fun LOL kyle's giant tv, connected to his laptop, in his kitchen for no good apparent reason. around 3:30 babe came over (= winnie went back to her house to drive her grandma's friend to the bus stop and she came back. then we started on the third recipe. i accidently broke the last egg .___. LOL so winnie and i went back to her house to get the last egg at her house. went back to kyle's and made the last recipe (= used the last of kyle's flour (= then gordon, alex and alan came over. they ate some muffins and seafood LOL then around 5:30 winnie had to go pick up her dad from work and kyle was on the move to go to the movies LOL. kin dropped me off at home and i ate dinner. after dinner i went to davis with my parents so we can pack up my stuff to move downstairs. after moving most my stuff downstairs (only my bed and table left) my parents and i decided we can finish moving the rest during labor day. my sister just got back to the apartment when we decided to leave. got back home around 12 and stayed up until 4 something. i don't think i can fall asleep early anymore LOL
08.31.09
stay home with mommy day (= didn't do much cause i woke up around 12. helped my mom with her homework and essay. then she went to class and i was doing my usual online things like TVB, shopping, facebook, xanga, etc.
09.01.09
it was another stay-at-home day with my mom, but she left me to work over time :[ babe came over and we went to stonestown to get something to eat. on the way to mickey d's we saw gary investigating pillows in front of brookstone. <333 he's so cutee. talked with him until his sisters were done shopping at victoria's secret. then went to twin peaks (= he tries to accomplish every thing i say, even though he's kinda slow at it. thanks babe (=
09.02.09
babe came over around 3-4ish. we then went to irving for tuttimelon (= then we went to noreiga to get cha siew. then we went to get dim sum, went to eggettes and polly anns (= came back to my house to eat and watch TVB <33 took a nap until 8:30 LOL. then babe wanted to go out to do something, so we went to the movies even though i wanted dessert :[ doesn't matter. he wanted to watch final destination 3 in 3D but i wanted to watch julie&julia. but julie&julia's times were a long time later, so we got tickets to final destination 3 in 3D. i was in tears in the first 15-20 minutes cause it was so disgusting. it just made it more worse cause it was 3D and it was all up in my face kind of feeling. kin finally caved in and dragged me out. i'm sorry babe :| i'm not a horror or bloody movie person. in other words i'm a fraidy cat .___. by the time we walked out, julie&julia was about to start, so we walked into that, and no one was there LOL we were the only ones. it was a good movie though (= i felt bad though cause babe paid for the tickets, and paid extra for the 3D, but we didn't even watch it :| so afterwards we went to denny's for late night snack (= parked in front of my house and talked until my dad came home (= then babe left.
09.03.09
cause i came home so late the night before that my mom gave me a list of things to finish before she returns home from work. LOL in other words i was doing shit loads of chores that she didn't do on her day off (cause she worked over time on tuesday). then i went to victoria's house. and went back home for dinner. then went to get gas and went to Lucky's with my mom (= then we went home. she went to sleep while i went online. then i was talking on the phone with babe until 4ish, i didn't fall asleep until 6ish.
09.04.09
it is still early to write about today LOL allen called me around 10 to talk about moving in. that's another problem .___. i called him back but he didn't pick up so i'm going to call him back later. yesterday's list of chores still exist cause i didn't finish one thing. it's not that i didn't remember how long and what temperature i am supposed to bake angel cakes at LOL so i am going to go ahead and do that now. probably going to lowell later to hand simon <3 my ap economics review book. then hanging out with a friend <3 then probably might go home for dinner, or go to andy's birthday dinner. whichever. i rather stay at home though, my mom is making steak LOL!
winnie wants to go back to calpoly for a day on the 10th or the weekend (12th or 13th). i'm going to go with her! and if kyle can, he will be going too (= how excitingg! 3.5-4 hours of driving there and coming back LOL! then babe and i are planning to go to pikapika on saturday (= they have their anniversary specials! i think every machine is $5 or something. they have games too o.O i'm not too sure but i want to go (= then babe and i are planning to go to santa cruz for mystery spot and beach boardwalk for the group on september 13th (= i'm excitedd.
tomorrow is erik's birthday (= i'm so excited even though i don't think he's doing anything. then it's my godsister's wedding banquet (= i'm her free labor LOL kind of excited (= then sunday is another day. gordon wants a bonfire <3 so that might be happening too! oh summer nights <3 then on monday my whole family is going to davis to help me and my sister move our stuff downstairs (= yayy for bigger room and sucks for more rent :[ but it's okay cause i wanted my own bathroom (=
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|  08.23.09
i made babe go out with me cause i was super bored being at home. i don't even remember what we did. this is what happens when i don't update more often LOL. went home to help my mom cook dinner and make soymilk LOL then my dad, mom, sister and i drove to davis. i packed some stuff that i wanted to bring back to sf and dropped my sister off. then me, my dad and mom were stuck in traffic for 4 hours coming back .____. that was so painful. a 20 minute drive took 2 hours, then after the closed roads we got home really fast. then i went to sleep around 4 LOL
08.24.09
i stayed at home to clean up my room. it has gotten messy again .____. unpacked some things i brought back from davis and watched TVB with my mom LOL then she went to take a nap before her class, and i went to take a nap cause i love naps LOL <3 then she went to school, i heated up dinner for me and my baby bro. LOL adorable. when my mom came home, i helped her with her homework and then we watched more TVB together <3 then she went to sleep, and i went online longer until 4am ish.
08.25.09
i went to chinatown with my mom (= i love grocery shopping, so much variety to choose from. after that i went home to help her clean up the house more, it's getting better. babe was playing basketball with his boys. then he came over to my house to go to noriega (= he got dimsum and 叉燒 and then we went to eggettes for me and then polly ann's for him (= then we both went home and i ate dinner with the family and watched TVB with my mom (= i miss these days that i just sit around at home hanging out with my mom, i miss it when i go back to davis for school. then again, she gets mad at me for the other nights that i don't stay at home.
08.26.09
me and kin were supposed to go get tuttimelon together but i don't remember why but we didn't go. cool with me. then winnie, kyle and i went to stonestown to shop around. kyle convinced himself, winnie and i that he has lost his wallet, either stolen from his bag at school or dropped it somewhere. LOL then all of an awkward silence he remembered he couldn't have gotten into his house if he lost his wallet, therefore his wallet was at home. and his dad cancelled the credit cards too, he got us good LOL. then we went home.
08.27.09
kin was avoiding his group and used me as an excuse. he picked me up around 2 and we went to walgreens to pick up my pictures. after that we went to stonestown to look for a present for sylvia. i'm so mean. i picked out a peacoat. kin didn't really like it, whatever. then we went to ross to look at picture frames for the pictures i developed. i didn't find any. then we went to my house. he was rolling around in boredom while i was cutting the pictures. lol i finally gave in to his cute adorable face and went to the mosiac stairs and turtle hill with him. beautiful <3 especially cause of the nice warm weather lately (= i would never want to replace anytime spent with him for anything. then we went to safeway so he can pee. and we walked up to the walgreens. we spotted the tigger and mickey!! (long story short: a few months ago at davis we were at rite aid and we saw these big headed disney stuffed animals. at that moment i was so struck by how adorable the tigger and mickey was that i was about to get both of them. until babe convinced me that it's not worth 20 dollars each. after putting it down and leaving it, i thought i'll never see them again.) it was half the price of rite aid, but i was struggling to choose between both of them. then i put them down and decided not to get any of them. we left to go on clement to get dinner. we were wanting to go to the taiwanese restaurant to get 小籠包 but we didn't really trust it cause no one was in there, so instead we went to spices (= ordered snow-garlic tofu, mongolian beef over rice and a beef stew noodle. spiccyyy <3 right after he dropped me off back at home and i watched TVB with my mom and finished making a collage for babe (=
08.28.09
it's babe and my 5th month together (= i woke up extra early to start making cupcakes for him (= he came over after his haircut =( too bad i was trying to finish decorating the last cupcake .____. i finished making "I<3U BOB" LOL missing an i. lol he saw the collage, he expected it though. LOL cute man he is. he wanted to go to lakeshore to return his game while i showered and wash the dishes, but instead he went to get me the tigger and mickey <3 so after he came back with them i was so confused o.O it was cause none of the walgreens near my house had it so he had to go to noriega to get them LOL pooor babe .___. he loves me so much <3 i feel the love already. LOL so in reality he didn't return his game .__. so we went right after i was all freshened up (= we then went to lucky's to get some soda for andy's bbq the next day and he returned his game right after. then we still had time to spare so we went to stonestown to buy sylvia's birthday present (= i hope she likes it. then we went to kyoto sushi for sylvia's 19th birthday dinner. after we ate dinner, we all went to filmore karaoke, except the next available room is at 11 so instead we went to safeway and rented the eye. it was so stupid cause all the girls that kept rushing us to just choose the eye. turns out most of them watched it before X_x whatever. then we went to william's house to watch it. some of them starting taking shots but me and olivia stuck to smirnoff. then some of us were in william's room just talking. people started getting so emotional o.o hella weird. but i gotta say i love wendy so damn much (= then me and kin went home. i talked to wendy on aim until the wee hours and then went to sleep around 6am .____.
08.29.09
woke up around 12pm. got ready and kin picked me up to go to andy's house. <3 i feel the love already LOL driving 20 minutes to my house, just to drive 20 minutes back from the area he lives at. went to andy's birthday bbq (= hanged, chilled, relaxed, etc. then winnie came to say hey to andy but he wasn't even home o.O then me and her decided to leave when the boys went to play basketball. saw my chowchow right when we turned the corner <3 lol he's super nice and surprised that i was leaving. then me and winnie went to the beach for a minute and then sunset super to get her chili paste LOL we went home afterwards. then my mom came home and wanted to go to sunset super for vegetables, so i went with her. and i saw willis and his mom grocery shopping (= after we chatted, i went back to my mom. ahhh back to the preschool days LOL <3 then wilson and willis came to me to ask me if i wanna go get something to drink with them, i didn't want to cause i felt bad that i wasn't home for dinner for so many days, so i rejected them ='( lol then my mom and i went home. we ate dinner and started watching TVB (= LOL i think thats most of our mother-daughter bonding time. i'm so glad it's not like a few years ago <3 i enjoy being with my parents and i love them (= lol then kin came to pick me up to go bowling with the remainder of the bbq group. then we went to in-n-out for late night snack and dropped me at home. kin is still at kyle's right now LOL
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